January 2012
1 tag
eating in front of people
ugh
1 tag
intake
large mcdonnals coffee w/ 2 cream & 3 splenda - 150
100 calorie popcorn - 100
four multi grain chips - 30
cheddar popcorn - 250
about 8 more chips and a couple with about half a tsp of dip - 90
620
drank a bunch of rum shots chased with diet coke and then binged at 3am because I was too drunk and almost vomited and everything was spinning so I ate left over mcdonnalds fries, three pieces...
December 2011
Anonymous asked: please don't be so sad, we're on the verge of a new year, it's your chance to start all over. i've made plenty of bad mistakes, everyone has. just be happy, for this one day, at least. please? happy new year!!
Does anyone know any good fashion blogs?
For the party tonight I bought salt and vinegar chips, bbq chips, all dressed chips, cheddar popcorn, whole grain nacho chips, four fancy dips for the nachos (artichoke and asiago, spinach dip, hummus, and roasted red pepper hummus), and I baked chocolate muffins and blueberry muffins AND I AM EATING NONE OF IT. Which feels amazing. More amazing than eating it would ever make me feel.
Losing followers probably because I am posting every thought that is coming to mind because if I don’t I will probably go do something stupid so fuck off and fuck you
Took a bite of the oatmeal I made. Spat it out. Threw the rest away.
I can’t eat. I don’t deserve it. Fat selfish fucking pig.
Made myself oatmeal in the microwave. It keeps beeping every couple of minutes to let me know I “forgot it”. I didn’t forget, I just can’t make myself eat. The thought of something in my mouth right now disgusts me. I can feel the ugly unclean textures making me fatter just thinking about it.
what I did this year:
lost weight
gained weight
started doing mdma after being clean of chemicals for 5 years
stopped doing it because i was missing work due to anxiety caused by the drugs
stayed at the same bs job
sat and moped about at home alone
grew distant from everyone
and some other meaningless shit in between
uh
yeah.
this has been the least eventful year of my entire life. actually.
I don’t want to have a party tonight… fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Everyones going to see what a fat joke and failure I am.
I wish I could feel good about myself but I just can’t at this weight.
That’s why I have been so miserable for so long.
I miss small numbers so much it overwhelms me to...
I hate myself and I don't want to be me anymore.
I am lazy, useless, gluttonous, I take up too much space.
I weigh too much to be taken seriously.
I am a joke.
Just imagine, one day you will wake up with...
pejorative-introspection asked: Weird question: Are you of German decent? Looking at your tagged pictures, our noses are damn near identical. We could be sisters, or maybe I'm on crack.
Gained 6lbs
What the actual fuck is my life. No one else has to deal with this bull shit yo yo like I do. No one else gained 6lbs in two days. I ate like a normal person yesterday too. Reese is having a huge party tonight and I am 18lbs more than I wanted to be so I am just going to wear baggy clothes and hide even though I wanted to wear something beautiful tonight.
highrooftopdreams:
The only thing I hate about sleeping is the fact that I have to wake up… fat.
I wake up fat every single morning and I go to bed fat every single night.
Going to bake muffins for Reese and the party tomorrow. Then off to work out for an hour before bed. Working out for an hour after 1300 to 1400 hopefully helps. Wow.
yourebulimia:
That awkward moment when your parent walks in at 3 am while you’re having a great feast (=binge).
ughhh been there
1300 or 1400 calories today. i’d normally say that’s a failure especially since there where baked cheetos and popcorn involved but i have been bingeing for days on end so this is okay.