February 2012
Laying down on the couch posting from my phone because my hearts beating really fast from my binge. Sometimes I’m scared if I’ve harmed my body at all with this ED. Sometimes I wonder how my heart is when it beats hard and fast and skips a beat.
Walked into bathroom to attempt to purge (and fail because I suck at puking). Looked in the mirror. Thought about how it would ruin Reese and I. Left. Went and put on a giant t shirt and yoga pants. Meh I would like so say I feel a little better but I don’t.
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the-after-shot replied to your photo: don’t ever tell me I am beautiful again. this is…
I don’t see it. Don’t let your body image take over your mind. You are beautiful.
Love handles. Still though, there are worse pictures I won’t dare post that show my worst.
Sometimes I think about finding things to try to make myself puke in because I hate the toilet so much.
Sitting at my webcam taking a million disgusting pictures of myself in underwear to scare myself into seeing how fucking fat FAT FAT I have gotten. You all would unfollow me if you saw the one of my legs and gut.
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2130 calories
can I just die now please
I instantly feel myself getting fatter after I eat something bad
cadaverouscorpse:
I feel like I’m not thin enough for tumblr
I ate a cheese bun with cheese melted on it for dinner because I felt so dizzy and tired and I just did it. That was okay because I was still under 1200 calories. But then after I finished eating it I was so triggered. I binged on 3 massive bowls of some Walmart brand of honey oat flakes with almond milk and I am so so so so full. That was on top of 1050 calories so I am probably at 1600ish...
Having the cheese bun. That puts me at est. 1050 calories for the day. Whatever.
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craving seriously and thinking about fucking up my day on: cheese bun baked in the oven with cheese on it
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wonderlandia asked: Your photo shoots are amazing.
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belov-ed replied to your post: belov-ed replied to your post: I’ve completed…
No tripod?
I do actually and I found a thing that I could press the button with that I can hold in my back pack the other day
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belov-ed replied to your post: I’ve completed editing photos from the shoot
You should have a photo of you and Reese together. :3
But then I wouldn’t have taken them haha
I've completed editing photos from the shoot
I think you should go take a look.. I am super excited :)
Anonymous asked: Whats ur current weight?
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belov-ed replied to your post: No one even gives a shit about the photos I took.
I care about you. ♥♥
Thanks. I just get sad when I post my photography and it gets 0 notes and then I make a bitchy post about how fat I am and a bunch of people reblog it. I’m just being extra sensitive right now because I am having one of those days where I got dressed and put on my jacket and shoes but...
No one even gives a shit about the photos I took.
I am so fucking fat. I am HUGE. I look bigger than the numbers on the scale. I look about 20lbs more than the scale says. My legs and hips are massive. It’s not even normal to look like this. No one else looks likes this. I looked deformed. This isn’t BDD talking, this is the truth. This is what I see. I know there are girls bigger than me but I am deformed.
Triggered to binge today.
stillllugly:
there are so many things i really dont care about, why arent calories on that list?
I gained a pound from my birthday dinner the day before yesterday. Ugh so I am up 2lbs from a week ago. I am up and down the same 5lbs all of the fucking time these days. I need OUT of these digits and onto the next ones.
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highrooftopdreams replied to your post: lmao Facebook made me take my entire photo…
What why? Haha that’s ridiculous
My friend was wearing a sheer shirt in the shoot. Anyone know if someone has to report these photos or does fb just find them?
Anonymous asked: It's brilliant how facebook enforce rules like that nudity in images and yet cant seem to manage shutting down the hate pages that are genuinely offensive, or when trolls abuse memorial pages.
dietandcigarettes:
at least i have diet coke and cigarettes to make everything okay.
I wish I did.
