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no one gives a shit 

no one cares if you’re miserable

they only care when you’re dead

because they have lost something

not because they care about you

There is nothing romantic about my sadness.  There is nothing beautiful about my illness.  It holds me back.  I can’t get out of bed.  I can’t move forward.  The world moves around me in a slow motion fog, but I can’t keep up.  I can’t grasp at any straws, I just keep falling.  It’s like I’m drowning but I don’t die.  I don’t feel anything anymore except for the weight of the world and the weight of my body.  I want to love.  I want to get excited.  I want my passion to return.  Falling back into depression hurts so much more than having just lived my whole life depressed.  I didn’t know what it felt like to be alive.  Now I am just an observer in a cage who knows what it’s like beyond these bars.